HATTIE'S HARLOTS - Chapter 2

“Are those Orks?  Their enormous.” said Lee, pointing at the group of hulking beings in the picture.

“Billy Burke, at school, says they smell bad.” added Jimmy.

“Billy Burke has no idea how bad they smell, Honey.” answered Barb.

“Are they really that dumb, Granma?” asked Lee.

“No, not at all.  In their own way, they are very clever beings.  And I’m so glad that they were with us.  The mob was already on the ship when I arrived …”

Several weeks later; stopping at an "uninhabited" planet for minor repairs, the Maria came under attack by a small, motley mob of Orks. Once again, Sergeant Major Langsdorf proved that there was no situation he was not on top of.  Before the Harlots could form up, he had shot and killed 9 of the attacking orks.  When the Harlots charged the mob, the Ork Nob pulled up short and halted his Boyz.  It took some thumping of an over enthusiastic Gretchin to get the firing to stop.  The Nob called over, in broken Imperial, for them to stop shooting and that he wished to talk. Keeping a close eye on the Orks; Hattie, Bearclaw and Langsdorf advanced to mid ground, where the Nob stood just staring at them.  Finally, breaking out of his stupor, the Nob asked what kind of ‘umies were they? He had fought the Guard Boyz, pointing at Langsdorf and the Marine Boyz before, but he had never fought ‘umies that looked so different.  When Hattie explained that they were females, the Nob just scratched his head and said that if the "Empera" had more "ov dez femalez", the Orks were in real trouble.  He then did something totally unexpected; he extended his huge right hand and smiled. "I iz Nozrot Gazgob, boss, youz fightz like a Ork!  Me and da Boyz wantz taa fight fur youz" said the Ork.  Hattie was so stunned, that she let her guard down for a moment and shook hands with the Ork Nob. "I’m Hattie Sanchez, and these are the Harlots" said Hattie. "Waz a ‘Har-Lot’?" asked Nozrot, looking very confused. "It’s another ‘umie, I mean, human name for female." said Hattie, smiling at herself.

“Da boyz iz ‘Har-Lotz’, too?” said Nozrot, pointing at Langsdorf, again.

“Yes.” answered Hattie.

"Huh" grunted the Ork, looking even more confused, "I needz taa tink on dat som mor."  Nozrot turned and shouted something to his Boyz in Ork.  The reaction was one of utter bedlam, with much arm waving, finger pointing and every Ork trying to out shout all the others.  Nozrot wadded into the middle of the mob and started thumping the more vocal Boyz quiet.  Finally, when all of them had quieted down and the Gretchin was kicked for good measure, Nozrot returned to Hattie and stated that the Boyz would be glad to fight for "youz female ‘umies". When Hattie, in turn, explained to the Harlots and the ship’s crew that they would be taking the Orks with them, she also received the same reaction. "Have you lost your mind?" was the most frequently asked question. "Look," said Hattie, "Nozrot assures me that he’ll keep his boys under control.  If he doesn’t, we just shot the lot of them and shove them out the airlock.  There’s only 15 of them, well, 15 and a half, if you count that little guy they all seem to gang up on."  So, with much hand shaking and back slapping, the Harlots had a mob of Orks!  After everything was piled onto the Maria, Hattie’s own curiosity got the better of her.  She asked Nozrot how he and his boys had come to be stranded on a tiny, back water world.  He explained that because of his uncontrollable interest in ‘umies and the Imperium he had gotten himself noticed by the Warboss of his mob and not in a good way.  The day the Warboss found out that he could read, write and speak Imperial that was the last straw.  He and his mob were shoved into a drop ship and jettisoned from the Space Hulk.  By sheer luck, or the hand of Gork and Mork, they managed to crash on this tiny world and had remained there ever since.